My Mother- My living roadmap!

I need to tell you a story of a little girl who had nothing but hatred towards her mother. She never loved her, been with her closely, never remember her kiss or a hug. The little girl never had an opportunity to be close to her working mother who was miles away from her hometown where she lived. All that mattered to her was her grandmother who she regards as god mother, her Dad who had been her all time favorite friend and her siblings with whom she enjoyed fighting. Parents had all good reasons why they worked in two different places and concentrated on the childrens future. But our little girl never understood that as a child for to her what was important is her mom attending parent teachers meetings, her school functions and her friends birthday parties like all other mothers do. As she started to grow, she started to welcome her mom once in a month for a few days for thats the time she got lot of new clothes, new gifts, books and pocket money. This was the way the little girl was in her childhood, enjoying her boyish upbringing by her dad, her friends and fun with neighbourhood boys that she enjoyed the most. She was up for a fight for a cycle, pulling of her neighbour's cricket bats and wanting to be part of the church carol singers and play drums on the silent night. It was all the same till one winter morning when her dad succumbed to an unthinkable silent stroke. All was over within minutes for this little girl to whom the life was nothing but onething that evolved around her dad. Few weeks after, a dawn of realization came upon the little girl that she now have to stay with her mom, in a new place, new school, new language, new friends and new books. Alas! that was the end of expectations and the little girl literally wanted to run away from all this unexpected turning in her life. The young widow, whose the mother of three teenage girls, all in their years of public examination stood bravely to face the reality. She had the courage to pull back the strings of life quickly and more vibrantly with one objective- to see her girls have the same kind of life they had so far. The woman had no big finances to back up on, no strong support from the relatives, no standby from close friends, all she had was a decent job that pays her a regular monthly salary. Irony is that the children were so far studying in the best of the schools in a small town, but had the best of everything possible in a average upper middle class family in India. The woman herself being a asthamatic and chronically ill under high medication did brave to bring all the three children to her place of work and put them in the best of schools. The kids realised the eventuality and reality that surrounded them. She was a very arrogant mother, who was adamant about the conservative way of life the children had to lead. They were not allowed to step out of the house in her absence. They were not allowed to watch television than for the stipulated time set by her. They were not allowed to watch movies, play games, go out with friends, demand costly dresses and shoes, or anything else that usual urban children crave for. But the mother gave the children plenty of opportunity to read good books, hear good music, and study what they opted for. It was very troublesome for the otherwise boyish little girl about whom we were talking. The mother silently did her job, making food on time for the kids, running errands both at home and outside, managing work and family stringent finances, saving little money to expand the house to maintain three children and also save for their future marriages and careers. In a gap of five years, the mother managed to marry off her all three daughters welcoming the new hope and new sons to the family. In the timespan of 10 years, there emerged three beautiful women who were strong to face any kind of adversities in life, who professionally make their presence felt in the organizations they work for, have managed to maintain a big network of friends and also managed to keep up their hobbies and personal interests in tact. Today after many years, the mother still lives on her hardwork, perseverance and faith in herself. The journey was not easy, but was possible. Today the mother, who is now a proud grandmother to her three grandchildren still do not stop from her endevour of teaching her grandchildren the basics of life, that nothing is free in this world. She makes the children learn the rythms of life, that hardwork is the only way to success. Today, the old woman do not sleep away from her quest and her initiatives are all towards the future planning for her grandchildren. The little girl who is now a responsible woman in the society, is no more the one having hatred with her mother, but the very girl who is determined to take care of her in her oldage. This girl is the very woman who today understand the fact that no mother stays away from the children by choice but because they have no other chance. Had it not been for the determination and struggle of this mother, I dont think the three girls would have had the opportunity to today proclaim themselves as strong professionals, caring wives and good mothers and also being responsible citizens in the society. The little girl is none other than me!!! To me today, my mom is everything, my roadmap to success, my living legend and my most empowered woman!!!

SCARF- Schizophrenia Research Foundation

Institution: Schizophrenia Research Foundation

SCARF is the acronym for the Schizophrenia Research Foundation , a non governmental, non profit organization in Chennai, India, which has committed itself to schizophrenia care and research .

Whats the significance of this institute:

Provide medical assistance and emotional support to the mentally ill and psychologically imbalanced people

Creating awareness and education on schizophrenia

Providing support and rehabilitation facilities to the ill and their families

An NGO spreading the message of hope and acceptance in the society

How does this impact society:

SCARF provides a forum to understand schizophrenia

It provides an insight into the mental illness identifying the biological, physical and social causes

Provides an edifice on which the family and friends can help the ill people

Rehabilitation and recovery by providing proper medication and support

Acceptance in the normal society and bringing back recovered people to main stream activity

Our Responsibility:

Do not treat mentally ill people like untouchables in the society. Understand their feelings and provide required medical assistance

Do not sympathise with their situation but support them in the recovery process.

Accept them the way they are. Schizophrenics are not totally disabled people. They live in illusions. So be that illusion itself to the dear ones to make them realise the reality.

Bring in a social structure where medical insurance covers the mentally ill as well, for the cost of medical support to such people is also high

Medication to schizophrenia is a life time process and do not discontinue at any point.

Accept people who are recovered in the mainstream society by providing them job opportunities, scope to learn, live and participate in the community.

After all, they are also human beings looking for love and care. Show them in adequate measure so that they would recover soon.

Me and Schizophrenia:

My quest to understand schizophrenia started way back in 1997, when I first met Dr.Rudran and had a chance to interact closely with his office and people around him. From then, I have done lot of research in this field to understand mental illness,and my association with Banyan in Year 2000 helped me to meet lot of people aiming at same objective. Today, me and my husband counsel families fighting to understand mental imbalances and emotional traumas. Our counselling involves talking to people, making them talk about their feelings, emotions, and frustrations. Lot many time, we happen only to be quite listeners. Many time, after hearing a long conversation, I have found people talking to me saying that they are comforted and got the required solace to calm down and proceed with lives. Lot many friends today look upon me for motivation to pep up their lives and I stand as an ardent listener to their problems. This helps them to overcome lot of frustrations and do not end up as emotionally imbalanced people.

Request to my friends and fellowmen:

Mental illness is getting worse in our country because of the myths, high expectations, unbearable disappointments, improper food habits, and not giving enough time to the essentials of life which includes, family, friends, hobbies, objectives and self -motivating factors. The social strata need to be understanding that how much ever materialistic and routine we get into, we need to still have people to talk, care, share and love and have a very purpose of living. We are social beings and cannot be living alone, and each one of us need to be a helping shoulder to at least one person around us. This will not let anyone around us to be emotionally week and end up with mental illness. As citizens, we have the responsibility to bring in a society which is far from fear, loneliness, confusion, hatred and frustration. This will in one way build a healthy society which in turn paves a way for harmony as a Nation.

Inner Wheel Club of Madras South

Thanks to Vummidiars Muralidaran uncle and Suganthi Aunty, I had the opportunity to visit one of the meetings of the Rotary Clubs. I always had an urge to be part of the social organizations and i was interested in the community service right from my childhood. Had been a volunteer at the Godavari pushkarams as part of Scouts and Guides camp for 14 days in Rajamundry Andhrapradesh belt and served from 6 am to 6 pm continiously with my tribe. It was the first recognition i had as a social worker at the age of 14 in 1991, August 17th, when my picture got published in Deccan Chronicle, my first association with Press and print media. Ironically, this date marked its importance in my life when I got married on the same date after 6 years in 1997. Its also gave me an opportunity to be associated with Murali uncle and his activities in life as a honourary member Gymkhana Club, T.Nagar club and Rotary club of Madras south.

Date of my induction : 12 July 2004, Venue: Hotel Savera. Induction of President Sanjukhta Dutta, leading Auditor of Indian Express and Economic Times

Significance: Chief guest and fellow inductor to the club was a popular Woman Politician in the Dravidian Tamil Nadu Politics, Mrs Vijaya Thayaban.

Objective of me joining the club: Continue my childhood dream to be doing something to the society.

Major activities of the club: Providing welfare measure and recurring costs to maintains few educational institutions, healthcare and old age home. Birds Old Age home in Kanchipuram, Good will foundation for blind and Egmore Eye hospital are the main streams centres for us.

Other than funding students and promoting health benefits, conducting blood camps, breast feeding awareness camps, etc. Best was the fund raising event, organised by the club bringing in 40 Golden years of SPB in Kamarajar Arangam.

Core Members who make difference: Every member in this club is unique and important. Every member is of prima facia the core edifice on which this club survives. Importantly we have few people who made a vital difference in the society. Mrs May George, the first Woman Director of PWD, in 1970's is a strength. Shanthi Kannan, Suganthi , Suman, Pushvil, Neela Govindarajan, Sita Laxminarayanan, Oligimaye veerapan, Rajalakshmi Narayanan, Sanjuktha Dutta, Sumana, Kusum and lot many others who have made this club proud of. The younger crowd which includes Kala, Manjula, Anjana, myself, and others definitly make a larger difference. There are many of us who are strong professionals and doing good in our own careers, but when we meet for the club meetings its just one gang of girls. Its no different if you are 80+ or just 20+ , you would enjoy the club so much. There is bonding, there is a togetherness, care, sharing, purpose, fun and social objective in every meeting. We meet officially once in a month with an agenda,, love being together that few hours and exchange good will, friendship and put forward our thoughts and actions for communical service.

Our Prayer:

Instill in us O'Lord the true meaning of friendship

Never let us forget that we are all thy children

Notwithstanding the difference in our culture and creed

Endow us with a desire to serve our fellowmen

Remembering that we too often need help

Whenever or wherever the need for service arises

Help us to be ready to serve

Endevouring to make our badge of Inner Wheel worthwhile

Ensuring that we have notLived in vain.

The Art of Love- Why is sex still a Taboo in India?

Watching CNN IBN debate on the Art of Love, provoked to put my thoughts in writing. Thanks to my kid's school which in fact gave an orientation to the parents to make the children talk to parents about the basics of good or bad. In fact the Correspondent was informing us to educate the children on a good touch and a bad touch. As a modern and open minded parent I understood that day what it means to give appropriate sex education as mothers and fathers to our children to provide more of understanding and security in this otherwise chaotic world. I found it rather easy to discuss with my child and her friends on the otherwise tabooed subject based on the inputs the school provided. I felt that day, that it wasn't the case when I was a child. Neither my family nor my school attempted to educate me on the basics of the human life. We do not talk about sex in public lives and we do not discuss the most pertinent issues of marital life to resolve the most confronting domestic issues in Modern India. We are not living in a country which is closed anymore but not ready to accept that we can discuss things of importance in public as well.

India gave to the world an art of love called Kama Sutra. Kama Sutra in general indicates to the larger sector of the world to provide inputs on various erotic experimentation's and also the way the sexual life can be framed or redesigned to bring in the spice of life. What many fail to understand the intricacy of this beautiful piece of art that emerged in the 4th century is that there is a basic understanding in a very spiritual and complimentary way of a relationship between a man and a woman.

It is not about the combination of two physical bodies that inter wine and form a relationship. It is an understanding between two souls who could divinely accomplish the art of love. For all who can object an discussion on this topic, would actually be the people who would be encouraging this concept in their private lives. The sacred institution of marriage is the oldest university in the world that provides a bonding between a man and a woman and gives its social acceptance for them to live together. Slowly and steadily this popular institution is also fading away its charm with divorces and broken marriages. Why? For What? Do you think the West is the cause? Definitely no. In fact I have seen marriages surviving for a life time across Europe, America and other parts of the globe. Then what? Growing starvation for time to manage one's emotions. Today people in the urban communities do not have time or thought to understand the basic human emotions which includes love, care, sex, sharing and being together. In this so called materialism, the people fail to understand that physical and emotional bondage is what keeps the important relationship called husband and wife in tact for life. The Indian traditions have time and again given many opportunities to people to understand the importance of being closer in all means. But today, people do not realise this concepts of fondness that once inter wined so deeply in our society. Sex is no more a unknown factor in India, thanks to the advertising and media that gives more than required knowledge to the people of all ages. Unfortunate thing is the knowledge that is given is either inadequate or misleading. Misconceptions and wrong assumptions lead to wrong ways of life. It is time for the people to realise the importance of educating our younger generations on what it means, and what it also means if we fail to understand the truth behind the otherwise unspoken myths. Its no more a myth. What impressed me were the sculptures I saw in the Detroit Institute of Arts- an embodiment and depiction of human life. I was taken by awe to see the painting of Adam and Eve done in 1545 A.D. There are hundreds of sculptures depicting human life on the walls of Indian temples that go unnoticed. The marvellous architecture was one way of education to the earlier generations about this so called taboo now. Its all in the walls of fame in temples across India, talking about the way the culture emerged, the way the traditions were encouraged and the way the lives were lived. Do not make sex a word of wrong thought, instead promote the safest side and make the younger generations to understand the purity in the art of love. Love is not just fun, its the essence of mankind. Love is not physical bonding, its emotional upheaval to live as social beings. Sex is a part of it. Do not parcel it calling it absurd to discuss instead bring back the sanctity it once had. The land of devadis and the land of Kama Sutra is also the land of tolerance and purity. Make the country proud of the ancient knowledge that we gave to this world. One day we would be a AIDS free nation having our upcoming generations enjoying life in the most safest and happiest ways possible.